Frustrations

As my junior/senior/third/whatever year draws to a close, I'm learning a few things about myself. Throughout college, I have not been a partier. I went to one frat party. It took me two years in my a cappella group to actually start going to their parties with any regularity (and I'm still an uncommon sight among them). This week, however, I apparently donned a new personality and spent both Tuesday and Thursday night partying how I never imagined I would. I went to my first bar and a boy I'm not dating bought me my first shot. I danced with strangers. I got an all-you-can-drink bracelet. I am retrospectively hating myself.

I don't get hangovers. A little dehydrated, sure. I do not sleep til noon and crawl out of bed with a headache the size of my regret and nurse coffee for the next three hours. Even so, I can feel that I'm not on my game and I hate the idea that I can't lose myself in fun unless I've had a few drinks. I also hate getting exciting news via text and being too disoriented to properly care about it.

I think there are just too many things happening at once. I start partying right before a bunch of my friends are graduating and the frustration with myself doubles the sadness and confusion of people disappearing from my life. I haven't actually hung out with my best friend in over two weeks (he doesn't drink and so did not join us for Tuesday and Thursday) and I hate ending my semester on this note. I'm going to go home for three months where my family antagonizes my veganism and everything is dirty all the time and I have to pretend that I haven't changed since high school so I can keep up with the mindless banter with the old friends who live in town. I get so accustomed to being free and totally myself here that it drives me nuts to go "home" and be someone else.

I am looking forward to being closer to Tristan, though. Long-distance, while feasible, is not something that either of us has particularly enjoyed and it'll be nice to be in the same area again. Admittedly, we'll still be 40-60 minutes apart, but that's better than 3-4 hours by a long shot. I just want to be like we were last fall when campus was warm and he was here and I got to live in my house and no one judged me for my choices and there was dancing and beach excursions and picnics and late nights watching Whose Line with the bff.

I know my life is easier than most, and I do appreciate the good in my life. I guess sometimes I just get tired of being the shoulder that's cried on and never getting to vent myself, you know?

I need to go before I whine too much more.
I need to get out.

I love you, Labor Day

This weekend was fantastic, I so wish it could have continued for another day or two. Friday night, our friend Laura was in town and full of stories from spending her summer travelling solo across Europe. I think my favorite people were the Italian army captain who took her out for kebobs and gelato and the German tourist her friend met who was full of weird and awkward humor. I still get a kick out of thinking of that kid. To cap the night off right, we made apple crisp and watched Princess Bride. (Jill, Laura, and I ate the entire apple crisp by ourselves in the space of two hours. Never again. Eugh.)

The next morning, we threw a small breakfast party with our friend Dixie who'd had to leave early the night before and with Tristan, the aforementioned beau of mine. I have such a dnagerous addiction of hasbrowns. Dear whoever invented hashbrowns, thank you for making it socially acceptable for me to eat crumbly french fries for breakfast. You're my hero.

The rest of Saturday was spent lazing about with Tristan and playing videogames. Unfortuantely, I didn't think to pack my memory card with my PS2, so those many hours of Chrono Trigger are now lost to all time. But that's okay, it's not like I haven't gotten through the game a hundred times and it's not like I won't a hundred more. Hey, guess what my favorite videogame is!

Sunday was supposed to the "productive day." I ended up baking cookies, watching two movies at my house, making really, really yummy butternut squash risotto for dinner with Tristan, and then going to Jeremy's to watch Whose Line Is It Anyway? and the entire works of Shakespeare in about an hour and a half. The Shakespeare thing was hilarious and I urge all of you (especially those who don't enjoy his work) to watch it. At some point during Whose Line, Tristan and I decided that we should out for pancakes and other breakfast foods that night, but the only late-night diner in town was closed. =( It was very sad.

It was closed again on Monday night (after I spent nearly four hours playing FFIV with no possibility of saving), so we went to Walmart and just got stuff to make our own breakfast party and stayed up till 1 making pancakes and eggs and hashbrowns. Best. Night. Ever. (Did I mention I love hashbrowns?)

But now it's back to real life and classes and being covered in rock dust and reading books with big words in them and glancing wistfully at the PS2. But now, I'm off! My a cappella group is having an info meeting tonight about auditions, and an insane number of people have signed up for info already. This could turn out to be an interesting season. Ciao!